Opening the Disney (Trauma) Vault: Mulan

In this series, Lauren will rewatch Disney movies from her childhood to see what sort of trauma she can drudge up.

TODAY’S FILM: Mulan – 1998 – Rated G

WHAT I REMEMBER: I loved this movie. I STILL love this movie. To be honest, I’ve definitely watched it a few times in the last few years. The story is phenomenal. And of course, Mushu is hilarious.

As far as memories from watching it as a child, I don’t have many. Or any, I guess I should say. I remember loving it, and I remember watching it a lot and wishing that I could do any of the athletic feats that they did in the film. I also remember so many things in the movie seeming extremely satisfying: the way the lipstick and eyeliner went on, the amount of bubbles/later in the tub, the cutting of her hair with the sword… loved all of it.

 THE PLOT, AS I REMEMBER IT: Mulan is a misfit in her culture; clumsy, has her head in the clouds, doesn’t care much for appearances, but wants to make her family proud. Sadly, she feels like she fails to do so. Mulan’s elderly father is drafted, which is certain death for him. Mulan goes in his place in disguise, taking with her a cricket for luck (he’s not lucky at all, in fact causes several problems for Mulan), a tiny dragon named Mushu that was delivered by her ancestors, and a loyal horse. Mulan is underestimated, eventually rising up, becoming a great soldier. She’s found to be a woman, then shunned, then ultimately comes back and saves the say, marrying the general who thought she was a dude.

AS I’M WATCHING: I forgot about the dog! The dog’s name is Little Brother. That is hilarious. I had also forgotten that Mushu had previously disgraced the family by failing to protect one of the ancestors from being beheaded, leading to his demotion to gong-ringer. The eyeliner, bubbles and hair cutting were all as satisfying as I remembered. Lea Solanga strikes again as the beautiful voice of Mulan, and I always laugh when I remember that Donny Osmond was the voice of the general. Certainly wouldn’t fly these days, but fun to picture him in the studio belting out this tune.

This movie also has one of my favorite stills of all time:

 
 

FINAL THOUGHTS: This is the first movie that made me feel like women could be badasses. No damsel in distress, no magic, no spells, just a lady kicking ass to protect her family. By initially disgracing them by not being feminine enough. And then nearly getting killed for being a woman.

Thank god nothing like that happens these days, amiright?

Ladies?

OVERALL RATING: 10/10

Opening the Disney (Trauma) Vault: Jungle Book

In this series, Lauren will rewatch Disney movies from her childhood to see what sort of trauma she can drudge up.

TODAY’S FILM: Jungle Book – 1967 – Rated G

 
 

There’s a lengthy disclaimer that plays before the film now:

 
 

WHAT I REMEMBER: I remember very little about this movie, but I do recall that it was watched a lot in our household. Moreso by my brother, who is 6? 7? Years older than me. Hey, Brandon. You’re probably not reading this.

What I remember most is my dad singing or whistling Bare Necessities. The memory of that puts me back in the kitchen of the Blue House (the first house I lived in as a child) as I annoyingly watched/got in the way of my dad as he cooked. That’s where he did most of his singing and whistling. He’d make silly faces and sound effects and move around in an exaggerated, ape-like way to make me laugh.

 THE PLOT, AS I REMEMBER IT: Wow, I truly have no memory of the film’s plot. Ok, there’s a kid… and the kid is raised by Mowgli because the parents… something. Something happened to the parents. Or maybe not? Ok, then there’s a scene with a bunch of panthers and that’s… bad… They of course sing Bare Necessities at some point. Are there any other songs in this movie? Is this the movie with the four creepy vultures that sing the a cappella tune? Yikes.

AS I’M WATCHING: Ok so right off the bat, the CHILD is named Mowgli, not the bear. So. Way to go, me. Off to a great start. And the panther is the narrator. Seeing the lil’ baby wolf cubs make me want to watch 101 Dalmatians next. Very strange to hear the voice of Winnie the Pooh (Sterling Holloway) come out of an evil snake named Kaa. Also, the bear is named Baloo. Oh man, I Want to Be Like You! Another jam dad would sing. This explains my memory of monkey movements.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This movie felt slow. No surprise to me that I remember so little about it; I’m sure child-me just wanted to listen to the silly songs. Love that all the animals and the child all speak English, some with a British accent, deep in the jungles of India. Very convenient.

OVERALL RATING: 4/10

Opening the Disney (Trauma) Vault: The Little Mermaid

Photo shamelessly ripped from Google. Please don’t sue me, Disney. I have nothing and no one.

In this series, Lauren will rewatch Disney movies from her childhood to see what sort of trauma she can drudge up.

TODAY’S FILM: The Little Mermaid – 1989 – Rated G – Depictions of Tobacco Use

WHAT I REMEMBER: The Little Mermaid is one of the movies that I watched on repeat as a kid. In my childhood bedroom, I had a child-sized Little Mermaid branded table and chair set where I brushed the unnaturally red, plastic hair of my Ariel doll. I seem to remember having some pajamas that featured Ariel and the clown fish… what was the fish’s name? Guess I’ll find out soon enough. I always loved the water as a kid, baths, the pool, playing with the hose in the backyard… nothing better than pretending to be a mermaid as a kid. KIDS THESE DAYS DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE MISSING. Do kids still play mermaids? Don’t answer. I don’t care.

THE PLOT, AS I REMEMBER IT: So there’s a prince, and he’s sailing for some reason. Ariel is a hoarder who can sing real pretty and wants to be on land because she’s obsessed with land walkers, even though her best friends are a ditzy fish and a suggestive crab. She gets mad at her dad because he’s all like, “no, you’re… a princess? Or something? Also… your mom is dead.” She meets an octopus drag queen who gives her legs in exchange for her voice. There are eels? The eels are the drag queen’s minions? Ok, then Ariel goes on land, meets the prince but can’t talk; they somehow fall in love. There’s a fork involved. Eventually, the drag queen shapeshifts and comes to land to seduce the prince for herself? I think? Ariel ends up back in the water somehow, and eventually, the prince falls for her, but does she… keep her legs? I forget. THE END.

An adorable, curly-haired Lauren playing with the hose in the 90s. She would never know happiness like this again.

AS I’M WATCHING: Ok, right off, something I’m surprised by and imagine will continue to be surprised by as I continue this series is the animation. It’s so much less fluid than I remember/compared to today’s incredible technology. It’s wild to think that many of these frames and scenes were hand-drawn or painted individually.

Also, damn, Disney really knows how to do an overture. One of the most interesting/fun/exciting experiences I’ve ever had the opportunity to be a part of was going to Disney with my high school marching band (not the whole trip, the trip was terrible, but this one experience was tight) and getting to work with a conductor to record our band playing part of a Disney soundtrack and matching it to the animation in real-time. That two-hour experience made me seriously consider being a professional musician.

Instead, I chose a job where I write jokes about cat food for a living.

Anyway.

I completely forgot that Sebastian was a conductor. I also forgot how similar this story is to Lion King (1994): Troubled youngest who feels trapped by parent(s) who just tries to keep them safe, an evil relative, bumbling best friends, friend of parent who begrudgingly watches/encourages the troublemaker, ultimate triumph after many trials/musical numbers. 

FINAL THOUGHTS: This movie was darker than I remembered. The little shriveled-up souls in Ursula’s lair were… horrifying. Also, a dude marrying a chick in a day just because she has a nice voice? Guess dudes have always been terrible.

This was a fun watch. Wish I still had that barbie.

OVERALL RATING: 7/10